Infidelity, Manifestations and Party Buses: this is COLOMBIA!
The subtitle to this blog is to watch the video and subscribeeeeee
That was a hot minute! I apologise. But I made a YouTube video for you to make up for it!! So go watch that now.
These past few weeks I’ve both been confronted with an over stimulation of inspiration and a complete lack of inspiration. But great news, I’m alive, full of joy now and I have some really interesting blog ideas in the pipeline, and these should be in your mailbox soon.
It’s comforting to know people are interested in a) my life (we all like this feeling) and b) people are keen on seeing Colombia through a different light.
But alas – forget all those promises about what’s coming next and all that fuzzy nonsense – the here and now blog is a fun one! In the words to come, I’m smashing some funky topics including infidelity in Colombia, wild party buses, Bogotá Palestine marches, learning new skills, finding community where you don’t expect it, and more pensaminentos (thoughts) from my brain on life here.
“We like doing what we know we shouldn’t”
Infidelity in Colombia is a thing. A BIG THING. People love it here. No ok that’s not fair. But it is true that according to every Colombian I’ve asked about this, people cheating on their partner happens quite often here. And in some way it effects at least half of all the young Colombian’s I’ve spoken with i.e. either they cheated or were cheated on. Now don’t get me wrong, this is not some pius morality blog. What it actually is is a project my friend Simon and I are doing for a class at Uni – we’re trying to understand why cheating seems more common here in Colombian than in other places.
The origins of this, in some way, started with a conversation I had with a friend I’d known for about an hour. You see, this friend was and still is, the only Colombian I know that is in an open relationship. For my boomer subs, an open relationship is where a couple agrees that its ok for them to see other people while in the relationship (plus a million other variants, but that’s the gist). And so as the curious mind I am, I spent well over an hour popping out question after question and deep diving into the pain of finding out for the first time her partner had been with some else, how they decided to go open, what’s her motivations etc. Funny enough, I’ve got a 1pm lunch vegan date with this friend today. But don’t get any silly ideas…
Anyhow, back to infidelity am I right. This conversation propped the thought in my head, if Colombian’s love cheating so much, or put nicely, love hanging out with more than one person at the same time, why aren’t more people jumping on the open relation bandwagon? When I was travelling about I met trillions of folk who were in open relationships – usually because their poor little innocent boyfriend was stuck in Berlin while the girl was living it up in Argentina. It’s like a legal way to cheat. For me, an open relationship is something I don’t think I’d ever do, but it seems to be a growing thing.
I’ve asked a load of folk over the past few weeks, and here are some of their responses to give you an idea of why more people seem to cheat in Colombia:
· Colombia and Latino culture in general is very touchy and very open. And this means, apparently, that Colombian’s find themselves presented with opportunities to cheat more often. Because closeness is more normal hear than in Finland for example, lol, it’s easier and more accepted to hang out with a seemingly innocent friend and bam before ya know it, innocence has left the building.
· A couple people said that we (Colombian’s) enjoy doing things which we know are wrong and doing them anyway. This tracks. But it probably tracks for the whole world too. And from the impressions I’ve got, cheating is as wrong here as it is anywhere in the world.
· One man put it really well, he said that young Colombian’s, especially young men, feel a lot of pressure to go out with lots of girls. It’s a coolness thing here, and this is highly encouraged by (SOME OF) their culture, music and attitudes towards women. He said a young guy with a girlfriend for a year might be given the impression that he’s boring by his friends, and so he feels pressure to cheat.
· Colombian’s also famously don’t like confrontation. So in this tone, one guy said to my friend Simon and I ‘where’d rather do it and then ask for forgiveness rather than having that tough conversation beforehand.’
Anyhow, these are just a few of the first scribbles I have on this, I hope to right a whole blog piece up, and share the video we’re making on it too.
Song of the week/year: Evie by my friend David/Lebot. Go listen. He’s amazing.
Update on my world
Tim! What have ya been doing son? Well I’ve finally spent my first full month in Bogotá without escaping to any beaches, carnivals, salsa bars or migration routes. And I’ve been filling a lot of this time with the thing that makes me the happiest: good people. From friends at the climbing gym, young joyful volunteers at the Sant Egidio community lunches, to big Bogota book festivals, delicious vegan restaurant dates and skipping class to meet Colombians in party buses, or proceeding to not go to class because of board game nights and wine bottles, I’ve been increasing walking about with a smile on my face as a grow a little community here. The party bus was really crazy, just imagine a bus full of shirtless Colombian tweenies at 3am going about the city with the help of Shakira and some disgraceful Colombian brew.
Aside this, I spent several weeks seriously contemplating whether I’d continue school here. And with the help of many good folk I have on my telephone, I think I will. A few weeks ago, I was certainly in a low patch. Feeling grounded in Bogotá was about the only thing I thought I had going for me. Coming back from the Darien and being settled I was confronted with what my place in the world is. And of course I still don’t know, but I am somewhat grateful for this confrontation. It really made me reflect on what I want to be focusing my attention on here. Luckily, I think I’m on some sort of track, and this has been aided by getting a really cool internship which I’m sure I’ll tell you about soon. Although all this does mean I’m increasingly failing at my goal of not getting real job in the real world for as long as possible.
Speaking of horrible things like work, I started teaching English a few weeks back. Which can actually be much more fun than it sounds so I’m finding. I’ve also kicked a few soccer balls recently, rode my bike all over town, written a few articles (which should be out sooooon) and linked in with many wonderful humans involved in migration in and around Latin America to help guide my research. I also went and watched Star Wars at the movies, to celebrate 25 years. As a lifelong star wars feign, this brought me much much joy!
PLUS! I’ve also started a plan to make some videos, sharing my learning journey and discoveries of Colombia with the world. A major reason for this is I would love to be able to tell really meaningful stories really well through video – like the children on the move in the Darien Gap. But today I have -5 video skills. So I figured I ought start from where I am, make some fun videos about things that interest me, and learn skills along the way. I think as humans we’re really good at setting the standard too high for new things we get into, like playing the guitar or making videos, and with such high standards we never bother starting.
My wonderful friend Brandon from New Zealand is arriving to Bogotá in a few weeks, which I am madly excited for. We are off to Peru for a few weeks, including to Machu Pichu – que cooool! In August I also hope to visit a friend in Mexico, alongside spending a couple weeks researching in Panama and Costa Rica.
Word of the week: Corazón and Cruasán – my heart
Corazón is heart in Spanish. Whereas Cruasán means croissant in Spanish – also my heart. I often ask Colombian girls for their corazón and their cruasán, but usually I only leave with one. That’s because its polite to eat the croissant straight away ;)
From Columbia to Colombia, the worlds marching for Palestine
Poor old Colombia, it always gets misspelled as Columbia. The first of May was labour day for Colombian’s, are so hundreds of thousands hit the street to call for more workers rights, to support (mostly) the current president Gustavo Petro and his labour reforms, and to stand in solidarity with Palestine. In joining in on this I met some great and super passionate people who told me how as Colombians they know the pain and meaningless suffering of violence unlike most countries in the world, as this makes them feel doubly empowered and motivated to condemn what Israel is doing. But its 2024 and no one reads anymore, so go watch my video on this to find out lots lots more!
Just now I’m off to watch an extra ridiculously cool game of footy: the Palestinian diaspora team from Chile is in town!! My roomie works for a house building NGO, so hopefully this week I can exercise my 0 video making skills and my 0 building house skills as we head out of Bogotá to push some nails. See you next time as I ask a bunch of Colombians about the things I struggle with in Colombia. Much peace and love to you, a smile too. Timmy x